Tired of dating the same types of men? Do you consistently have toxic partners and want to raise your dating standards?
So many women keep complaining about the types of guys out there and how it’s so hard to find the right person to date. It can be challenging because the bar has been set so low for dating nowadays.
You’re now going to have to be able to have more self-control and really see people for who they are when dating. Don’t close yourself completely off, but don’t throw yourself at them either.
You must be a high-value woman first
You are what you attract most of the time. If you don’t think you’ll meet a great man, then you’re most likely going to attract the opposite because of your low self-esteem.
You need confidence to be able to communicate clearly what you need out of a relationship and to set your boundaries.
A high-value woman is confident in herself, has mastered self-love, and is comfortable spending time alone. Her worth does not come from other people.
She knows exactly what she wants and keeps it real. She doesn’t chase, she attracts.
Reflect on your past relationships
What kinds of toxic qualities did your exes have that you do not want to deal with again? Do you notice any patterns?
To raise your dating standards, you have to reflect on your past relationships and see what consistent themes happen. You need to figure out why you attract the same types of people.
This might require going to see a therapist as a lot of people don’t know the reason why.
Learn your attachment style
An attachment style is something that you developed when you were a child depending on how your caregivers responded to your needs. If your caregiver wasn’t affectionate, you might develop a more detached attachment style and not know how to show love to others.
When a child is neglected they might develop an attachment style that makes attracting healthy relationships difficult.
These patterns could have been developed in your family relationships and friendships from when you were a child. It’s good to take note of which one you have and see how you can make improvements.
The 4 attachment styles:
- Anxious – You struggle with communicating your needs in fear of losing the other person and become clingy.
- Avoidant (fearful) – You self-sabotage which prevents healthy relationships, fear getting rejected, and have low self-esteem.
- Avoidant (dismissive) – You are too independent and in the “I don’t need a man” mindset.
- Secure – You feel safe and stable when in relationships. Communication flows easily.
You want a secure attachment style with no anxiety. If someone is making you feel anxious and stressed out instead of calm, that could be a sign that they might not be the right person for you or you need to work on yourself.
Work on toxic belief systems from your childhood
Do you see a reflection of your family’s relationship issues happening in the types of partners that you choose?
I saw this in my family a lot. A lot of the women in my family settled for men they thought were highly immature and had kids with them knowing this.
They communicated their needs, but the men did not listen and were non-committal. I did not want that to be a theme in my life, so I shut myself off from dating.
It wasn’t until the past couple of years that I realized that I had toxic belief systems around men. I thought that all men that would be interested in me would be the same types of guys like in my family.
I changed my mindset and said no, I’m going to attract better and I can. You need to change your mindset too. Just because your family had relationship issues, doesn’t mean your relationship will be exactly the same.
There are still good men out there that will give full effort and won’t leave you confused on where you stand in their life.
Take yourself on solo dates to learn how you want to be treated
Spending time alone and not jumping from relationship to relationship is so important in reflecting on what you want in life. As you develop a relationship with yourself, you begin to learn more about your habits and thought processes.
When you take yourself on dates, treat yourself how you want to be treated in a relationship. As you meet your own needs, someone who gives you bread crumbs will become less attractive.
Buy yourself flowers, book that trip, take yourself out to a nice restaurant while dressed up, write yourself love letters, and really do all the things you dreamed of doing.
If he’s giving mixed signals, cut him off immediately
You want a man that is going to be completely honest with you upfront. Why waste your time on someone who is giving you bread crumbs when there are men out there who will never leave you questioning what’s going on?
There are so many women who say why they ever put up with a man that was not good for them instead of being on their own.
If a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship, he means it. It’s not “oh I can change him.” Move on before it gets worse. If you don’t, he will see that as he can continue to do whatever he wants his way.
Don’t let him know your type
Let a guy show you how he will treat you upfront. Don’t let him mold himself into what you want by telling him your type. He could fake it and then change up later down the road when you’re into them.
Keep a poker face and let him show you the real him. Don’t show all your cards up front.
It can take a while to change your mindset and your actions in relationships, but it stems from learning to prioritize your needs, sticking to your boundaries, and building the confidence to speak up. If he consistently crosses your boundaries, you’ll have to learn how to move on.
Men learn from what you put up with. If you keep letting him do whatever he wants, he will continue to do so. What do you need to work on to raise your dating standards?