It feels like such an interesting and unique experience when you’re in your 20s and never dated. On one hand, you wonder if you’re even missing out and on the other, you’re like no way when you see people in bad relationships. It might feel like you’re the only one in your friend group who has never dated, but you don’t know how many people are in the same boat as you. There’s a lot.
The Dating Pool
Honestly, when I was growing up I always asked the question, “Where are all the good quality guys at?” I started to ask myself are my standards too high? Is it my age group that’s slacking? Since when is the bare minimum attractive? There are so many broken and toxic people out there, it’s crazy.
During my college days, I would hear my friends complain about dating. It made dating sound horrible and dating apps seemed to be the worst place to try to find someone even when everyone recommended it. For someone like me that rarely gets attracted to people I don’t spend a lot of time getting to know and become friends with, I don’t really understand how I could become attracted to a stranger on the internet.
You start to think if you are actually missing out when you see all those status updates of people posting their partner on social media, but then find out they suddenly broke up. How many relationships are actually authentic and healthy?
In reality, most relationships don’t last, and when we realize that, it will help us choose to find the right person instead of just dating anyone. You don’t want to be desperate and jump into a toxic relationship. You would be more unhappy being with someone that brings you down than being single.
When No One Ever Approaches
When no one ever approaches you with a romantic interest, you start to feel like something is wrong with you. Am I not attractive? Do I have come off as intimidating? Should I smile more? I tried approaching them myself, but it didn’t work. It made me question myself.
There is nothing wrong with you. You’re beautiful and you should start looking at yourself that way. When you’re confident with your appearance, you won’t care about what other people think. Don’t dress up just for someone else. Dress up for yourself because you feel like it.
Feeling Like All the Good Ones are Taken
This is what I felt for the longest, but changed my mindset. If there are still good single people like me, there have to be other good single people too, right? It might feel like there are no people you would like left out there but just think of it as you just haven’t met them yet.
You can also have a harder time finding someone if you think all the good ones are taken because you might meet the right person and think they’re a bad person. If you have a mindset that there are no quality people out there, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are more young single people out there than ever before according to the Washington Post. The age of marriage and having children keeps rising too. So, it’s becoming more common for people to be single for long periods of time or to have never dated. You shouldn’t feel that you have to find the right person by a certain age.
Your Self-Love Journey
Finally coming to the realization that nothing is wrong with you. There’s just been no one that has truly seen your value and the amazing, beautiful person that you are. Whether you are in a relationship or single, it’s always important to learn how to love yourself so that you can see your own value and set up boundaries in all your relationships with others.
I used to let friends walk all over me and was a people pleaser. Once I learned to love myself, I saw clearly the difference between how fake friends treated me vs how I treated them. Then I finally stopped giving effort to friends who could care less and they never reached out again.
When you stop giving effort to those who don’t give you effort and focus on yourself, you begin to see who is truly authentic. Always choose authentic relationships over quantity.
Not focusing on your dating life and focusing on dating yourself instead.
Take yourself on solo dates and do everything you ever wanted to do with a partner. Buy yourself flowers, take yourself to the movies, write yourself love letters, etc. Then when someone comes around and they don’t put much effort or not consistent when you’ve already been doing these things for yourself, that person will not be attractive to you.
By becoming more confident and valuing yourself more, you’ll be more likely to seek out an equally high-quality person. High-value people are more likely to attract other high-value people. You might attract some that are not, but it will be easier for you to recognize who is good for you and who is bad for you.
Related article: 25 Solo Date Ideas for Singles During Quarantine
There is no perfect timing to finding the right person. Enjoy your life!
Many of us that are single worry that time is running out, but there are so many stories of people also finding the right person later on and being glad they waited. Just because you haven’t met them now, doesn’t mean you won’t meet them later in life. Believe me, you’ll regret the time just sitting having a pity party waiting around for someone when you could’ve been focusing on yourself and your current relationships with family and friends.
Don’t spend your 20s being so focused on getting a relationship that you neglect other areas of your life. I focused on myself and graduated from university, traveled the world solo, worked on my unhealthy mindset, and started my own company in my mid-20s. I created my bucket list of all the things I want to do by myself and my plan on how to become the woman I always dreamt of being.
Build a relationship so strong with yourself that you will still enjoy your alone time even in a relationship.
Had I met someone before I turned 25, I would have not been in the right mindset. I still had childhood wounds to overcome which were awakened when I had a series of one-sided crushes. How I healed myself is through love. Unconditional love not to another person, but being focused completely on me and nurturing myself.
Showing myself all the love that I ever wanted to receive from someone and taking myself on dates. I spent so much quality time and used my love languages to express how much I loved myself. That was when I realized my true value in what I have to offer and not settling for anything less.
Not only how I viewed myself changed, but how I saw the whole world changed. I felt like how a Disney Princess opens her window and looks at the birds chirping and the flowers blooming while singing. I have never been happier. After I changed how I viewed the world, everything else in my life improved. My relationships with my friends got stronger, I started doing better in my career, and I took more time to enjoy the little things in life.
Spend more time traveling solo when you get a chance again!
Instead of always hanging out with others, I would go to places people go to with groups and my friends thought I either weird or bold. It was unusual to them to spend so much alone time in places that you go to with groups, but I did it so much that I began not to even notice it anymore. I was so happy and enjoyed my surroundings.
When you spend more time going on dates with yourself, you can do everything you wanted to do without the influence of others stopping you.
I finally found what true love is and it’s not with another person.
I always wanted a love story like the tv shows that I watched, but realized I can be the leading lady in my own movie with no partner. Start living the life you want and if someone else comes along, great. They are an added character to the plot. But in no way are they absolutely needed for the romance storyline to be great.
You’re the director of your own life. Own it.